Hello and Welcome Blog-hoppers!
This is my entry from the "Can We Guess Your Character's Age?" contest on Brenda Drake Writes! Thank you, Brenda for these fun contests! Here we go -
Red and blue lights flashed in the rearview mirror, setting Nox Sumner's teeth on edge. She shot a glance at her best friend, Billy, in the driver's seat. "What did you do now?"
"Hell if I know. I wasn't speeding; my lights all work. Can't I just go home and drown my math test blues in biscuits and gravy. Is that too much to ask?"
"You don't have any bodies in the trunk or anything do you? Because I still have time to hop out the window and make a break for it." She grabbed the window crank, trying to disguise her tight fingers and clenched jaw.
"Very funny." Billy sighed, coasting to the curb. The wipers thwapped wetly back and forth as he put the car in park.
"Guess who it is." The side-view mirror revealed Sergeant Carris bumbling around inside the cruiser, doing whatever it is cops do while people wait, hearts pounding to find out what they had done wrong.
Flashing lights and sirens made her heart pound for a different reason. Her first encounter with the Sarge, he'd told her and Haden their parents were dead.
"No," Billy groaned. "Why do I always get pulled over by Dad's old buddies?" His Dad had been the Sarge's roommate at Kent State and Billy had yet to get a speeding ticket without his parents finding out. He turned hopeful, cocoa-brown puppy-dog-eyes on her. "Since you two are all buddy-buddy, tell him not to give me a ticket?"
"Not gonna happen. I don't ask Sarge for favors, so whatever you got yourself into, you get yourself out of. "
8 comments:
Whew! This is one with a solid clue! Old enough to drive, so 17.
And do math tests, so I'd say 17 as well. Doesn't sound much older than that.
YA- guessing 17. I like the voice; it's very clear and I like the biscuits & gravy comment. Obviously in the south?
A quick note for editing purposes-- How does one disguise their tight fingers and clenched jaw while rolling down the window? I would rephrase that sentence.
Also, this sentence seemed as if you added it as an afterthought. It broke the flow of your otherwise fluid scene: "Flashing lights and sirens made her heart pound for a different reason. Her first encounter with the Sarge, he'd told her and Haden their parents were dead."
I see what you're trying to do here--entice us, make us wonder what happened to her dead parents, give us an idea of how Nox is wounded, etc. I like the idea of the sentence, but I would weave it in another way or maybe move it to the top right under "What did you do now?"
Good job and good luck! :)
16-17
I'm going with 17.
I'd say 17. Seems like they are still in high school.
Julia
I'm thinking 17 because they are driving and are worried about getting in trouble. I laughed out loud about "The side-view mirror revealed Sergeant Carris bumbling around inside the cruiser, doing whatever it is cops do while people wait, hearts pounding to find out what they had done wrong." Great line! I would keep reading!
I like how you start the scene with lots of tension. I'd put your MC at about 17 or 18. Old enough to have been pulled over before, but young.
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